My cute Emily Anne left me a couple weeks ago and is now an official Physical Therapy student at USC. That smarty pants.
Before she left, we got to spend some quality time together. At the beginning of August we went to "Wicked!" at Capitol Theater together. Before the show we went to dinner at a delicious Thai place in Salt Lake. The show was really, really good. Even though I had seen it in New York four years ago, I think I understood it much more this time. Unsurprisingly, I got a little emotional a few times as the impact of the music and lyrics really hit me.
It has only been a couple weeks and I already miss Emily like crazy. Emily is very steady. No matter what happens in her life, she reacts in a strong, stable way. She has been through a lot in the couple of years I've known her alone and has continually impressed me through it all. She is dedicated, loyal, thoughtful, and kind. Plus, she has the world's greatest laugh. Seriously.
I'm so proud of her and the courage she has shown in picking up her life and moving to an unknown place. She's going to be a kick-a physical therapist too. She is so smart and has a natural gift when it comes to dealing with athletes and sports related injuries. She is the best and I can't wait to see all of the amazing things she does in her life!
Just a few people and things that have gotten me through the past few weeks:
My family is awesome. My mom has received so many phone calls in the past few weeks with me freaking out and changing my mind, I'm surprised she hasn't gone crazy. She really is one of the best people in the world.
Weekly G-Chats with Derrick are the best. They aren't life changing or anything, but that's okay. That's exactly what I need.
Max, Connor, Abby, and Lyla
Nate, Daxton, and Baby Porter
I think I have the world's greatest nieces and nephews! I mean, I'm not biased or anything, but they are absolutely adorable! And, we got a new one just a few weeks ago! Meet Porter Martin!
Haley, Brittni, and Emily
Anne and Spencer (And yes, Spencer is pretty much a roommate by now)
My roommates are the greatest. They always know what to say or do to make me feel better. They make me laugh like no one else. And because of our dinner group, I have dinner every night, which totally makes a difference in that, you know, it keeps me alive.
This song. It's amazing. Well, and Aaron Tveit is too. I think I've listened to it about a million times. I could listen to Tveit sing for days.
Knowing that Shannon and I are going to the So You Think You Can Dance Tour concert tomorrow! I'm seriously so excited I can't even stand it!
I've been thinking a lot lately about music. My baseball boys (yes, I call them my baseball boys. . .get over it) have been asking me in study hall everyday what my favorite kind of music is. As of yet, I have not given them a satisfactory answer. So much so that they asked one of my roommates what my favorite kind of music is. I haven't really answered their question for a few reasons. 1) I'm afraid they will play it and I will start singing, which is not something I particularly want to do in front of them. 2) I like lots of different kinds of music. Pretty much as long as they're actually singing I will listen to it. 3) Some of my favorite music comes from musicals, which is not something many people understand. 4) For some reason, that is a deeply personal question for me. I have had more transforming experiences through music than anything else, almost, so it isn't something I'm eager to share with others. I don't want those experiences cheapened for me.
After the Frank Wildhorn concert, Haley and I talked about how much it made us miss singing. Unfortunately it isn't easy to find an outlet for that most of the time. School and work keep us pretty busy. We do occasionally have a night where we just sing for a couple hours (like last Sunday), but those are few and far between.
This weekend at home, I've sung a lot. Going to the piano and singing is a release for me; it's a refuge from the tempest of life raging around me, demanding my attention and the quashing of my emotions. This weekend my emotions have been everywhere. I go from bawling to laughing hysterically in about 3.2 seconds. But when I'm singing, the roller coaster stops and I find a peace. No matter what it is I'm singing, I feel a balance, which brings me the strength to endure what must be endured.
Victor Hugo once said,
"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent."
That is what music is for me. The outlet for the words which I cannot speak or write. It is the way my soul communicates what I really feel. Often it is the only way I truly understand what I feel.
Doctrine and Covenants 25:12 says,
"For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads."
Sometimes the best way to keep a prayer in your heart is to keep a song there. So that's what I plan to do.
Apparently BYU is quite good at bringing in awesome performing artists because Haley, her parents, and I went to see Frank Wildhorn (and some incredible broadway singers) in concert last night. (Haley's writing another story about it, I'll post it when it is done.)
Frank Wildhorn is the composer of incredible songs/musicals (Civil War, The Scarlet Pimpernel, and Jekell and Hyde to name a few). He has written many other songs, but a lot of them are less well known. Still just as incredible, though.
It was truly amazing. First thing, Frank came out wearing a BYU hat and he wore it all concert. He kept saying how he was proud to be a cougar. It was cute. (For the encore the singers came out with BYU sweatshirts on. The quote of the night: Darren Ritchie in his sweatshirt, "I feel like a Gap model.") Throughout the night he played for three singers (Jackie Burns, Adrienne Warren, and Darren Ritchie) as they sang songs he had written. They sang songs from Jekell and Hyde, The Scarlet Pimpernel, Civil War, Wonderland, Victor/Victoria, Bonnie and Clyde, and a musical he is writing right now, Havana. There were also a couple of songs he wrote for Whitney Houston (one she never got to record) and the song Gold he wrote for the 2002 Winter Olympics.
The entire night I was blown away by the incredible talent of the people on the stage. The genius of his songwriting. The vocal chops of the singers. The overall performance quality of everyone on the stage. They were real people with incredible talent.
When Adrienne and Jackie came on stage to sing "In His Eyes", Haley started crying before they even started. She said in that moment she realized the incredible impact Frank has had on so many people. That song had changed her life, and she is just one person from a small town in Utah and his musicals are done all over the world. The song was so amazing I don't even have words to describe it. I'll just say this: I stopped breathing while they held out the last note because it quite literally took my breath away.
It was truly a once in a lifetime experience! I'm so glad I have such great friends to share such things with!
Okay, lately I've been absolutely obsessed with Boyce Avenue. If you've never listened to them, you should. They are amazing. All their covers are good, but so are their originals. Lately I've particularly loved this song:
Love it! It also is one of the only things getting me through this first week of school! (This and the anticipation of the BYU game tomorrow night!)
I sang this song at my senior recital two years ago. I've had
incredible experiences with music before, but nothing quite like this.
As I sang the words, I realized just how much I related to Jo. I felt
as though I was drowning in all of the changes occurring: I was
graduating, Alicia was getting married, my friends were going on
missions and to different colleges. Everything I knew was falling
apart. I felt lost and terrified that I wouldn't be able to adjust and
succeed in this new life.
And I need,
How I need my sisters here
If I can't share my dreams
What were they for?
I thought our promise
That we would never change and never part.
I thought together,
We'd amaze the world.
How can I live my dreams or even start when everything has come apart.
My sisters were my best friends. The summers that we spent together
constantly were some of the best of my life and I knew that those times
would never happen again. Sure we'd see each other, but the sisterhood
felt was not something that could be recreated. It had its time and
place. But that was not now. Now was the time for change and growth.
And it scared me.
I thought home was all I'd ever want
My attic all I'd ever need.
Now nothing feels the way it was before
And I don't know how to proceed.
I only know I'm meant for something more
I've got to know if I can be
Astonishing
I'd been to Provo a thousand times. Moving there was different though.
It was no vacation or fun day trip. It was hard, complicated, real
life. It would have been easier if I had known from the beginning that
it was right, that Provo was where God wanted me to be. But really it
was nothing but a gigantic leap of faith, with my heart leading my
head. For someone who prides herself on a dominant mind, I think
following my heart was the most terrifying part.
There's a life
That I am meant to lead
A life like nothing I have known
I can feel it
And it's far from here
I've got to find it on my own
Even now I feel it's heat upon my skin.
A life of passion that pulls me from within,
A life that I am aching to begin.
There must be somewhere I can be
Astonishing
Astonishing
But there was a reason for all of the changes. I needed new
opportunities to grow and prove, to myself and everyone else, that I was
capable of great things. I needed to work on not being so afraid of
finding out that I can be great. I'm still working on that, but it's
getting better everyday. I know that somewhere, someway, I will find my
place and discover what God has given me the potential to accomplish.
Someday, I will become Astonishing, in my own way.
I'll find my way
I'll find it far away
I'll find it in unexpected and unknown
I'll find my life in my own way
Today
Here I go
And there's no turning back
My great adventure has begun
I may be small
But I've got giant plans
To shine as greatly as the sun
I will blaze until I find my time and place
I will be fearless,
Surrendering modesty and grace
I will not disappear without a trace
I'll shout and start a riot
Be anything but quiet
Christopher Columbus
I'll be Astonishing
Astonishing
Astonishing
At Last
This weekend at Kate and Ryan's luncheon, Gary said something that I've
been thinking a lot about. He said that Kate wasn't just working toward
becoming Astonishing, but that she already was. That the moments that
help us to become Astonishing most of the time are not singular,
defining moments. It is the little, continuous, daily moments that
truly make us Astonishing. We don't need to be Astonishing to everyone,
just to one person, in order to succeed. Being Astonishing has nothing
to do with world recognition. It's about love and being there for
others. It's about recognizing our own potential and rising to not only
meet it, but attempt to rise above our wildest imaginations.
I have dreams, big ones. But it will not be the fulfillment of those
dreams that will help me to become Astonishing. I am meant for
something more, as the song says. Something more than I am now.
Something more than I can imagine myself to ever be. Something more
than I even have capacity to hope for.
