Pioneer Day Weekend

My family has an app we use to keep in touch, called Cluster. It is kind of like Instagram, but for just a group. On the 24^th of July my family posted a bunch of pictures about their hiking and camping adventures as a whole group (minus Derrick and Mary). Luckily, we had already decided to take our camping gear out for a spin, so we didn’t feel too left out. For our wedding, my mom’s old roommates and a few others gave us some camping essentials: tent, sleeping bag, chairs, tarp, and lantern. We also got an air mattress (which we have been using as a bed since coming to California), but we weren’t sure it would fit in the tent so we didn’t take it this trip (we will next time). We got a little bit of a late start and didn’t realize we had to get the permit in town before we got there and had to go back and get it. So it was already dark (about 9:00pm) by the time we got unpacked. Kyle lit the fire, we set up the tent, and then ate our dinner. Then we just spent some time enjoying the peace and quiet before we went to bed. The hard ground was not my friend that night, so I woke up a few times pretty sore.

He's pretty cute

Turns out our sleeping bag came with pillows. Pretty sweet!

The next morning we headed down to Paul and Tricia Gaye’s house to shower and then went into LA to go to the temple with them. It has been a while since I did a session, so I was really glad I got to do that again. And the LA temple is simply beautiful! (Fun tidbit: I have become quite the expert at pinning on boutonnieres. One of the brides at the LA temple paled at the thought of pinning on her new husband’s before they went outside, so I ran up and did it for her.)

After the session we changed and then headed down to Marina Del Rey to The Cheesecake Factory for lunch/dinner. I had never actually been there; the food is sooooo good (I found a recipe for what Kyle had and am totally going to make it because it was that good). And the restaurant is right on the marina so it was a nice environment.

Tricia Gaye, Paul, Me, and Kyle

We went home earlier that night so we could be well rested for church the next day. We have only gone to our own ward a few times and thought it would be a good idea to do so. We also got to have dinner with another one of the interns at Kyle’s company and his wife. They are both really nice and it is nice to have some friendly faces around.

Temple

In September, I went and met with my bishop to discuss me going through the temple. Over the next couple of months, we met together often and discussed the reading assignments he had given me. Then I met with the Stake President before returning to meet with my bishop and a member of the Stake Presidency to get my recommend. 

I had considered going through many times, but had never felt like it was right. The end of the summer the idea kept coming into my head though. So I decided to act on it. I'm so glad I did. I know this was the right time for me. 

On December 20, 2014, I got to go through the Bountiful Temple with my parents, all my siblings and in-laws, my Aunt Marie, and one of my best friends, Ryan, there to support me. 

Peter and Alicia, Mandi and Nate, Mom, Me, and Dad,
Amy and Spencer, Derrick and Mary, Shannon and Jeff

I wish there was a way for me to describe how incredible that experience was for me. As with many things though, trying to really describe it would be impossible; things of the heart are often this way. I don't ever want to forget how beautiful it was though. I started crying quite early on in the afternoon and continued to do so many times. The peace and love I felt for my Savior and Heavenly Father during my time there was incredible. And walking into the celestial room and seeing my family there was a feeling that I will never forget. I was so overcome with the enormity of the moment. I was finally where I had longed to be for so long, and I was with the most important people in my life.

I'm so lucky to have such an incredible family and support system. They are amazing examples to me. Through the interview process, I was asked many times about my family. It was extraordinary to me that I could say that my parents, all of my siblings, and all of my in-laws were endowed and still worthy to enter the temple with me on my special day. I have learned so much from them of how I should be and I hope that I can be as good as they are.

I know it is unusual for girls to go through the temple before they go on a mission or get married. It's becoming less unusual, but it still isn't common. But for me, I know this was the right way to do it. My decision to go through wasn't tied to anything else. Other people can have those decisions combined, but for me I needed to know that I was doing it because I sincerely wanted to and was prepared to, not as a step to something else immediate. That was important to me, and I'm so grateful I could go to the temple knowing I was fully prepared and that it was the right thing for me to do.

I'm so grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Knowledge of the Gospel has changed my life, it has shaped who I am and I know that I am better because of it. I'm grateful for Jesus Christ and his service as my Savior. I know He lives and will always be there to help me. I am grateful for temples, the covenants I made there, and for the chance I have to spend eternity with my family. 

Quiet Moments

Last week, Lizzy needed someone to hang out with Paceson while she took a test because she didn't have any other time that she could take it. I was happy to do so, obviously. It was so fun to watch him waddle around and get into all sorts of stuff. He is so dang cute! He turns one this month and has been working on walking and eating real food with all his teeth (he has at least 8, I'm pretty sure).

It started to be nap time and so he got a little upset that his mom wasn't there. When we got to his room, he started crying. I gave him his binky and sat down in the rocking chair with him. I know parents work really hard to teach their kids to self soothe and so I am probably ruining all of that by just holding and rocking the child, but I'm okay with that. I sang a few primary songs as I rocked him to try to calm him down (I apparently need to brush up on my primary songs, because I could only think of a few at first). 

Rocking that sleeping baby and singing those songs was an incredible moment of peace. Those are the moments when I think I come to understand at least a small part of what it is like to be a mother and to feel that much love. 

I worry about having kids often. Silly seeing as I'm not even married, but it is something I have thought a lot about. Getting a PhD doesn't easily lend itself to having kids, now or someday. I worry about what kind of mother I will be. I worry that I won't experience the extreme love I see so many mothers experience. But times like the one I had with Paceson, and countless others with my own nieces and nephews, gives me hope and faith that when the time comes everything will work out.

Until that day, I'm grateful for those around me who let me experience just a little bit of their heaven by sharing experiences with their children.

Beautiful Place

One of Derrick's friends from school had a friend from high school getting married in Salt Lake this week, so she came out for the wedding and spent some time with us. Kate was super nice and was a ton of fun to hang out with. She had never been to Utah before and was totally blown away with how beautiful the mountains here are. 

Derrick took her on a ride up Mueller Park Canyon Sunday night and she loved it. Monday morning Derrick had to work, so Mary and I took Kate to the Ogden Temple Open House first thing. The temple looks completely different, but it turned out incredibly beautiful. Kate especially loved the Celestial room. She was totally blown away.

After we got back, we decided that for Kate to really experience Utah, she needed to go hiking. So Mary and I took her up Adam's Canyon. It is a fun hike and full of lots of rocks, trees, water, and pretty views. Kate was so enthusiastic about all of it. 

Mary had to go to work, so Kate and I went to Dairy Queen to make sure Kate got to try fry sauce. Don't worry, she loved it. I think Derrick now has a buddy to mix up some ketchup and mayo with out in Minnesota. The rest of Kate's time was pretty much taken up with wedding stuff. I did get to take her down to the Salt Lake Temple and drove her around the outside of Temple Square before her friend's sister took her on an actual tour during the wedding. 

Being around Kate really reminded me how lucky I am. Utah really is incredibly beautiful. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than mountains. And, growing up in Utah, I take for granted the fact that there is such a rich Mormon heritage. Such an incredible feeling of family, community, and love around here. 

I also couldn't help but take a few pictures of Derrick playing with Max and Connor yesterday. If only you could hear the giggles associated with these pictures.

It's a pretty amazing life.

Power to Transform

Over the past year or so there has been a lot of attention on The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the controversy surrounding the Priesthood. When these discussions come up, the thing that keeps coming to my mind is simply how grateful I am for the Priesthood. I think it is important here to clarify that I mean I am grateful for the power of God on the earth, not the men who hold that power (although that is true too).

The older I get and the more men I meet and date, the more I see the importance of the transforming power of the Priesthood. The majority of the boys I have dated are, well to put it simply, goofy. They like nothing more than to have fun and they make me laugh. A lot. Their ability to be lighthearted and make everything into an adventure was one of the things that I liked most about them. In the end, though, it wasn't what impressed me.

What impressed me about most of them is the transformation that took place each and every time they were asked to do something that fell within the realm of Priesthood responsibilities. Don't get me wrong, they were wonderful people even when they weren't called upon to fulfill a responsibility of that sort. The deep understanding they had of the privilege and responsibility it was to act in behalf of God and under His specific direction transformed them. These goofy boys were also dedicated, hard working, and respectful of the task at hand, whether it was teaching a lesson or giving a talk in Church, discussing Church doctrines, administering Priesthood blessings, administering the Sacrament, doing their home teaching, taking care of their families, or going to school or work.

The times when they were actively using the Priesthood power and fulfilling their responsibilities were the times when they most clearly had an eternal perspective. In a world full of distractions competing for their attention, they understood (although briefly sometimes) what was truly important.

This transforming power doesn't just work on the men who hold the Priesthood, though. I have seen that same transformation occur as people of all types change as they take part in sacred Priesthood ordinances. Baptism, partaking of the Sacrament, work in the temples, magnifying callings in the Church. All of those things transform everyone and while some specific responsibilities are asked of only one gender or the other, all of them are actions that all members of the Church can take part in as long as they are worthy.

With all of this madness and controversy, I think one of the most important things to focus on is simply that we have the power of God on this earth and have such incredible access to it.

The Grad School Process

Warning: This is a long post. I put off writing about the whole process because I wasn't sure of the outcome yet. But I need it documented.

For some reason I naively thought that the whole graduate school process would be better and more clear once I took the GRE. Boy was I wrong. You see, after the GRE is when all of the doubts set in. I didn't do poorly on the GRE, but I didn't do as well as I wanted. I started to doubt what I wanted to do and what I was capable of doing. I had always thought I wanted to apply to Clinical Psychology Ph.D. programs, but I wasn't so sure anymore. For about three weeks I drove everyone around me crazy as I went back and forth between what types of programs I was going to apply to. My poor roommates and parents. I seriously changed my mind SO many times. 

Finally, I went and talked to the professor I've worked for for over three years. I told him that I was majorly confused and needed his advice. The first thing he asked me was I wanted to do, what my eventual goal was. I told him I wanted to be a professor but I was starting to wonder if that was the right thing for me. He told me not to let the GRE get me down because it was good enough and that the rest of my CV was strong. Then he told me that he had complete faith in my ability to do whatever I set my mind to and that I should go for what I want and not worry about trying to figure out all the logistics of my full life plan. He told me not to be ruled by my fear because it would work out.

I left the meeting comforted, but conflicted. Applying to Ph.D. programs went against almost all logic. Four or five years is a long time to commit to being in one place. A few days later I called my mom and talked to her about my conversation with my professor. She told me she thought I should apply to Ph.D. programs because he knew a lot more about the programs and what I was capable of doing than anyone else. And because she knew that is what I truly wanted. So that's what I did.

In all actuality, I didn't really do any of this the logical way, which is slightly unusual for me. Usually logic rules for me. (Just ask my dad. He is constantly reminding me to let my heart have a say too.) The average acceptance rate for Clinical Psychology Ph.D. programs nationwide is around 2%. Most people suggest you apply to 10-12 programs. I applied to 4. After looking at programs, 4 stuck out to me the most, and I figured that if I didn't get in this year, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Most people end up going to graduate school after being graduated for at least a year anyway, so I wouldn't be usual in that way. 

Getting all of the applications filled out was stressful, but I got it done before finals Fall Semester and then was just left to wait. In the end, I ended up getting interviews at BYU and Clark University in Massachusetts. I had the BYU interview the first week of February and though it was a long day, I actually really enjoyed myself. I felt like I showed the committee who I was and knew that I had done my best. Apparently it worked because the Monday after my interview, and just hours before I left for my interview in Massachusetts, my mentor told me that I had a spot in the program if I chose to take it. I was visibly relieved. 

I spent a few days in Massachusetts because I wanted to make sure the weather wouldn't make it so that I couldn't get to my interview on the right day (which I had to do on that day because Shannon got married the day after the other interview day). The interview at Clark was different than BYU, but not necessarily in a bad way. I was impressed with the program and the way it was set up and I really enjoyed talking with the professor who would be my mentor if I went there. He was very personable and we had a fun time discussing research. Again, I left feeling content with how it had gone. I knew that they had seen the real me and that whatever happened would be right. 

Originally I decided I was going to wait to hear back from Clark before I made any official decision. They told us they would let us know in about two weeks from when we interviewed. As time went by though, the more and more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't need to hear back from Clark. I wanted to be at BYU, not Clark. I didn't immediately tell anyone this or make it official though. I had almost not applied to BYU because I had a few worries about it and I wanted to make sure I could dispell those worries before I made a final decision. I didn't want to stay at BYU because it was easy or more comfortable for me. I didn't want to stand in my own way and hinder myself because I was scared of doing something outside my comfort zone.

In the end, I know that isn't why I want to be at BYU. I chose BYU because I know that I can succeed here. It is the right balance of competition and cooperation to push me but not overwhelm me. I used to think that being familiar with the people and the work would make me complaisant but now I understand that in this case it just gives me a head start. I guess I could still end up that way, but that is up to me. If I work hard and never stop trying my best to be the best at what I do, I won't be hindered by being here. For me, the smaller start up costs mean I can do the things I truly want to do and do them well.

So, I went into see my mentor today and made it official. On September 2nd, I start a whole new journey. BYU Clinical Psychology, Ph.D. program here I come! 

"We Do Not Doubt..."

Today at church many people repeated the scripture in Alma 56:48 that includes the phrase "We do not doubt our mothers knew it." I have always loved the story of the stripling warriors and the homage they pay to their mothers. Like those young men, I have learned much from the mothers in my life.

My Mama!

First and foremost is my own Mom. My mom has taught me so much. Much, much more than I could ever adequately articulate. She has taught me to be independent, to love, to work, but most importantly, to have fun. No matter how busy she gets, she always finds time to spend some time with me and my siblings so we can relax and have a little fun. She showed me that people are more important than anything else and that we always need to be willing to do things for others. I am now and will be forever grateful for her love, advice, and support.

Grandma K. was one of the kindest people in this world. She loved her family more than anything and made sure they knew it. She taught all of us to be compassionate toward everyone, especially to show unconditional love to our family members. She was the best listener. She knew when her advice was needed and when all that was necessary was for her to lend an ear. 

Grandma Wendel was strong. She taught me that I can endure and overcome much simply by continuing to move forward. She had many tough things happen to her in life but she never despaired or gave up. She just kept moving forward and eventually overcame everything. She taught all of her children to work hard, too; skills they have tried their best to pass on.

Aunt Marie has been a mother to us all for as long as any of us can remember. She was always the one willing to tend us, and now she has taken up that role with the next generation. She teaches all children the importance of learning and has inspired so many children in her life, including me and all of my siblings.

Alicia, Mandi, Amy, and Me (just missing Shannon)

Although they are not my blood sisters, Amy and Mandi have been part of our family for so long, that I consider them to be my sisters. All of my sisters have mothered me throughout my life, as well as setting incredible examples of what mothers should be.

Amy understood her role as a mother quickly and has done everything in her power to fulfill it each and everyday. She prizes being a mother to her children with all of her beautiful, tender heart. Because of this she has a gift with children, especially those sweet babies.

Mandi shows incredible patience as a mother. Daxton can be quite the little stinker when he wants to be, but she is so patient with him. She has also showed great faith and courage in her desire to have another child, despite the difficulties she faced her last pregnancy.

Shannon isn't a mother yet, but through her job the past two years, she has been more of a mother to those children than you can imagine. She has come to love the children she teaches so much and has truly come to understand mother like love and affection.

Alicia isn't a mother yet either. But she has set an incredible example to me in her desire for children. She has shown amazing courage and willingness to sacrifice everyday as she expresses her surety of the importance of the divine role of a mother. There is nothing she wants more, and because of that she is going to be an awesome mom.

As much as I love the scripture stated above, today I want to change it a little bit. Instead of "We do not doubt our mothers knew it", I want to focus on what it means if you add a period: "We do not doubt. Our mothers knew it." 

This Mothers' Day, I think the best gift I can give my mother and all of those women (named and unnamed above) who have been mothers to me is to ensure them that 

I Do Not Doubt.

I know that I am a Daughter of God. I know that the Gospel is true and was restored by Joseph Smith. I know the Book of Mormon is the Word of God and that it works with the Bible to teach us the truth. I know the Thomas S. Monson is God's prophet on the earth today. I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know that he was the only person to live on the earth. I know he lived, suffered, and died so that we can repent and return to live with him and our Father. I know that because of the Atonement Christ can help us through everything and that he will. I know that through temple ordinances we can be sealed with our families forever. 

And I'm so grateful for that so that I can be with my amazing mothers always. 

For Now

The past couple of weeks there has been something different in the air. With the lowering of the ages when missionaries can go out, an extremely large number of girls have decided to go on a mission. One of my professors is a bishop and he had 14 pre-mission appointments set up by the Monday morning after Conference alone. That's a lot of girls.

I turn 21 in April, so I had already decided that the biggest question for me during October's General Conference was whether or not I was going to go on a mission.

Notice I said whether or not I was going to go, not whether or not I should go.

I discovered a long time ago that, for the most part, revelation doesn't work with a "should I", at least not for me. In fact, I have never even had God tell me yes or no to a decision I've made. He either stops me or he doesn't. So I knew that this, like everything else, was my decision.

When President Monson announced the new age for missionaries, my first thought was not of myself but of my old roommate, Karen, who is 19 and has said repeatedly that she wished she could just go on her mission now because she wanted to so badly.

My second thought was the interpretation of my first: I didn't want to go on a mission enough to even be excited for myself that I could go in December/January instead of April/May. I was more excited Karen could go than that I could. 

So, my answer to the thousands of queries over the past weeks of whether or not I'm going on a mission have been "It's not currently in my plan." I'm fully aware that I could change my mind tomorrow, a week, month, or even year from now. And that's okay. But for now, I have my answer.

I don't believe that God would say no if I told Him I wanted to go now. But I couldn't in good conscience do that. I'm afraid that at this point, I would choose to go in order to escape and put off big life decisions and changes. And that is not an acceptable reason to go for me. If I go, I want it to be because I really want to, more than anything. As my roommate put it, "It is a lowering of the age limit, but not of the bar." I'm not saying I would be a bad or unworthy missionary. But I know myself well enough to know that if I don't want something with everything I am, I won't work as hard at/for it. And a mission is not something that I would ever want to do halfway, and I wouldn't successful like that anyway.

The Lord needs more missionaries out there, but He also needs the right missionaries out there, at the time He appoints. Perhaps my time will come, or perhaps my calling in life has nothing to do with me serving a full-time mission. Either way, I know that God is in control and will guide me to what is right for me, not anyone else.

***This post is mostly for me and my own need to express my feelings. The past couple weeks have been rough with a lot of people making me feel guilty and like I wasn't a good member of the church because I am not going on a mission right now. So I wrote this to understand what I am actually feeling.***

Families

I've been reading in Ether for the past couple of weeks.  I've read it through multiple times and have to admit, most of the time it is not my favorite book.  Once you're done with the cool Brother of Jared story, there is a lot about wars and destruction which is, quite frankly, a little gruesome.  This time though, I discovered something that I'd never thought of before now.

Starting in chapter seven and going through the rest of the book there is story after story of the people dividing and one half taking over, then the other half rebelling and taking over.  It's a common story and theme throughout history.  What I hadn't picked up on before was who was doing the conquering and rebelling.  The majority of the time, it was a brother, son, uncle, or nephew of the king who lead the rebellion against that king.  Unlike countless stories in antiquity, such as the conquests of Alexander the Great, the destruction of this people did not come from some outside, foreign nation.  The destruction came from the dissolution of family ties.

Since 1997 when the First Presidency came out with "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", the Church has been continuously placing emphasis on the importance of keeping the family together.  Soon after that, the line "strengthen home and family" was added to the young women theme as a blessing that comes from cultivating the values outlined in the theme. Despite the fact that I have heard time and time again the importance of keeping the family unit together, I don't think I understood it until now.

My family has recently revived a tradition we had with my dad and his brothers in an attempt to keep our family together. Under the motto: "They Did Not Doubt", we have instituted a monthly family home evening with all of our extended family.

I was called at the beginning of the semester to be co-coordinator of the Family Home Evening groups in my ward here in Provo. As I have become more and more involved with it and gained more of a testimony of FHE I feel I have come to a greater understanding of the importance of families.

The combination of all of these things right now has also provided me with inspiration that I had been long in seeking. Now I think I can see how I can prevent the dissolution of not just my own family, but many others and thus, help prevent the horrific events that occurred in Ether. Finally, I have a plan. And I can hardly wait to get started on it.

Astonishing

I sang this song at my senior recital two years ago.  I've had incredible experiences with music before, but nothing quite like this.

As I sang the words, I realized just how much I related to Jo.  I felt as though I was drowning in all of the changes occurring: I was graduating, Alicia was getting married, my friends were going on missions and to different colleges.  Everything I knew was falling apart.  I felt lost and terrified that I wouldn't be able to adjust and succeed in this new life.

 

And I need,
How I need my sisters here
If I can't share my dreams
What were they for?

I thought our promise
That we would never change and never part.
I thought together,
We'd amaze the world.
How can I live my dreams or even start when everything has come apart.

My sisters were my best friends.  The summers that we spent together constantly were some of the best of my life and I knew that those times would never happen again.  Sure we'd see each other, but the sisterhood felt was not something that could be recreated.  It had its time and place.  But that was not now.  Now was the time for change and growth.  And it scared me.

I thought home was all I'd ever want
My attic all I'd ever need.
Now nothing feels the way it was before
And I don't know how to proceed.
I only know I'm meant for something more
I've got to know if I can be
Astonishing

I'd been to Provo a thousand times.  Moving there was different though.  It was no vacation or fun day trip.  It was hard, complicated, real life.  It would have been easier if I had known from the beginning that it was right, that Provo was where God wanted me to be.  But really it was nothing but a gigantic leap of faith, with my heart leading my head.  For someone who prides herself on a dominant mind, I think following my heart was the most terrifying part.

There's a life
That I am meant to lead
A life like nothing I have known
I can feel it
And it's far from here
I've got to find it on my own

Even now I feel it's heat upon my skin.
A life of passion that pulls me from within,
A life that I am aching to begin.
There must be somewhere I can be
Astonishing
Astonishing

But there was a reason for all of the changes.  I needed new opportunities to grow and prove, to myself and everyone else, that I was capable of great things.  I needed to work on not being so afraid of finding out that I can be great.  I'm still working on that, but it's getting better everyday.  I know that somewhere, someway, I will find my place and discover what God has given me the potential to accomplish.  Someday, I will become Astonishing, in my own way.

I'll find my way
I'll find it far away
I'll find it in unexpected and unknown
I'll find my life in my own way
Today

Here I go
And there's no turning back
My great adventure has begun
I may be small
But I've got giant plans
To shine as greatly as the sun

I will blaze until I find my time and place
I will be fearless,
Surrendering modesty and grace
I will not disappear without a trace
I'll shout and start a riot
Be anything but quiet
Christopher Columbus
I'll be Astonishing
Astonishing
Astonishing

At Last
 
This weekend at Kate and Ryan's luncheon, Gary said something that I've been thinking a lot about.  He said that Kate wasn't just working toward becoming Astonishing, but that she already was.  That the moments that help us to become Astonishing most of the time are not singular, defining moments.  It is the little, continuous, daily moments that truly make us Astonishing.  We don't need to be Astonishing to everyone, just to one person, in order to succeed.  Being Astonishing has nothing to do with world recognition.  It's about love and being there for others.  It's about recognizing our own potential and rising to not only meet it, but attempt to rise above our wildest imaginations.

I have dreams, big ones.  But it will not be the fulfillment of those dreams that will help me to become Astonishing.  I am meant for something more, as the song says.  Something more than I am now.  Something more than I can imagine myself to ever be.  Something more than I even have capacity to hope for. 

And someday, I will be Astonishing...

At Last!

Leaving

I'm moving out on Thursday.  And for the first time since I came to college, I'm really sad to be leaving this place.  

We ended up here the first time because of Shannon.  After Sam, Shannon, and Kate had signed somewhere else, Shan felt sick about it and insisted it wasn't right.  So we all signed here instead.  I was fine with that because I didn't care where we lived.  After the first few weeks here, I didn't think that decision was 100% inspired.

The ward was full of people who were a lot older than me, many of whom didn't really put in an effort to know me once they found out I was 18.  It was a tough ward for a freshman.  I was doing everything in my power to just figure this college thing out, and no one else could really relate to that.  That being said, I didn't hate all of it.  I loved Ryan and his apartment from the start.  Eric, Brandon, and Parker always knew just what to say to make me laugh.  And the people in my FHE groups were awesome!  But none of this had me convinced to come back.

Kate did though.  She wanted to come back and I wanted to live with her.  So we signed for Fall/Winter again.

After living in another ward for the Summer, I was dying to move back.  The first week back in this ward did not disappoint.  The warmth, the unity, the acceptance, the openness, it was all there again and even more so.

So I've changed my mind.  The decision to move here was 100% inspired.  This was where I needed to be.  These are the people I needed to be in my life.  I needed the Sorensens, Fraleys and Christensens.  I needed Lexi, Carmen, Leigh, Traci, Holly, Maddie, Kelsi, Beth, Brittany, Danielle, Catherine, Lexi, Katie, Ashley, Sarah, Emma, Heidi, Tina, Erika, Annie, MeLisa, Alex, Craig, Ryan, Wes, Eric, Spencer, Pappy, Dustin, Kevin, Joe, Greg, Mike, Steve, Ben, Paul, Jeff, Dallin, Phil, Stephen, Will, and Brock, just to name a few.

Annie

Dallin, Jeff, Greg, and Kelsi

Did I mention we have the world's most awesome Bishop?!

Jeff, Phil, and Baby Titus

Greg and Me

MeLisa and Beth

Pappy

Sarah and Erika

Sorensen Boys

Bishop and Sister Sorensen

Traci

Eric

Katie, Maddie, Tayler

Leigh

Wes and Ryan

I needed them to help me become better.  I needed them to teach me to reach out.  I needed them to help me be comfortable showing others who I am.  Last year, I was shy and introverted.  No one knew me very well, if at all.  Now, almost everyone knows me, at least a little.  And because of that, I feel like I can be myself more.  I feel like I am capable of accomplishing more and being more of a help to those around me.

Now, moving and the thought of starting over terrifies me.  I don't want to go back to who I was before.  I want to retain the things that I've learned from these wonderful, loving people.  I'm not sure if I quite know how though.  I know I will meet fantastic people and I know it's time for me to move on.  But it's hard to feel that anything could be better than this right now.

All of this has made me determined to make the best of every experience, to act on each place I live as for years.  I didn't want to get to know everyone because I figured I would never see them again, so what did it matter.  Well, it mattered.  And I'm grateful for that.  I'm grateful I finally got over my stubbornness and let myself fall in love with the wonderful ward I was in and to learn so much from everyone around me.

Last night was the last ward prayer of the semester.  Ryan and I did it since it was the last one.  As the thought, I shared some of the things I said here.  And I closed with a scripture that I felt summed it up so well:

"I am mindful of you always in my prayers, continually praying unto God the Father in the name of his Holy Child, Jesus, that he, through his infinite goodness and grace, will keep you through the endurance of faith on his name to the end."

-Moroni 8:3

My goal as I continue through life is to build friendships so that I always feel this way when I leave someone.  As sad as it is to leave people, the love you feel is always worth it!

General Conference Weekend

General Conference Weekend is always one of my favorites.  The weekend started out with Jess driving me to Alicia's house in Salt Lake so I could spend some much needed time with her.  Talked, made cake balls, and started making chimichangas for dinner when Brit came over and helped us.  When Peter came home we ate dinner and the four of us talked for a while before we sent Peter to bed (he had to work super early Saturday morning) and us girls talked for a lot longer.  It was super fun to hang out with Brit, especially as she just got her mission call!  I'm so excited for her!

I spent the night at their house and Peter took Alicia and me to our parent's house on his way to work the next morning.  After going back to bed for a few more hours, Abby and Lyla woke us up for an exciting day of walks, shopping (for the rest of them), conference, playing, coloring, eating, and finger and toenail painting (thanks, Amy!).  During the Priesthood session, we girls headed over to my cousin Amy's house for a baby shower for a cousin-in-law.  The rest of the night was spent eating and watching sports or movies and hanging out with my family.

Amy and her girls

Nate and the boys

Max, Nate, and Dax

Conference Sunday mornings my mom makes a big breakfast for all of us.  We were never that family that had breakfast together every morning.  We're more of the cereal or toast on the go type of people, so it is always fun to have a family breakfast twice a year.  

Once all of the family gathered after the first Sunday session of conference, we celebrated by birthday.  Honestly, I am not the biggest fan of birthdays.  Mostly I just find all of the attention awkward.  Especially when people sing to you.  Luckily, my brothers don't know how to sing "Happy Birthday" like normal people, so the laughing inhibited most of the awkwardness.  My mom, Alicia, and Mandi all got me super cute things though, wish I just love!

A good example of all the help I got in opening my presents

Lyla gave me the keychain I'm holding in the picture below.  Why?  Because she picked it up and started chewing on it.

Man, I love that girl!

Derrick was the photographer.  He's very good at getting weird pictures of everyone.

After that we put the kids down for their naps and settled down for the last session of conference.  At one point everyone but Shannon (in Arizona) and Nate and the kids (all sleeping) were in the same room watching Conference.  I can't remember the last time that happened, so naturally I had to get a picture.

We went to Uncle Gary's for dinner and got to catch up with lots of our Keddington family.  The past few times there has been small numbers, but there were a lot of us there this time.  Even if it was only about half, there were still a good 50 of us there.

I love being home and relaxing with my family!  They're the best!  And not eating the same old foods I eat everyday down here never hurts!