Temple

In September, I went and met with my bishop to discuss me going through the temple. Over the next couple of months, we met together often and discussed the reading assignments he had given me. Then I met with the Stake President before returning to meet with my bishop and a member of the Stake Presidency to get my recommend. 

I had considered going through many times, but had never felt like it was right. The end of the summer the idea kept coming into my head though. So I decided to act on it. I'm so glad I did. I know this was the right time for me. 

On December 20, 2014, I got to go through the Bountiful Temple with my parents, all my siblings and in-laws, my Aunt Marie, and one of my best friends, Ryan, there to support me. 

Peter and Alicia, Mandi and Nate, Mom, Me, and Dad,
Amy and Spencer, Derrick and Mary, Shannon and Jeff

I wish there was a way for me to describe how incredible that experience was for me. As with many things though, trying to really describe it would be impossible; things of the heart are often this way. I don't ever want to forget how beautiful it was though. I started crying quite early on in the afternoon and continued to do so many times. The peace and love I felt for my Savior and Heavenly Father during my time there was incredible. And walking into the celestial room and seeing my family there was a feeling that I will never forget. I was so overcome with the enormity of the moment. I was finally where I had longed to be for so long, and I was with the most important people in my life.

I'm so lucky to have such an incredible family and support system. They are amazing examples to me. Through the interview process, I was asked many times about my family. It was extraordinary to me that I could say that my parents, all of my siblings, and all of my in-laws were endowed and still worthy to enter the temple with me on my special day. I have learned so much from them of how I should be and I hope that I can be as good as they are.

I know it is unusual for girls to go through the temple before they go on a mission or get married. It's becoming less unusual, but it still isn't common. But for me, I know this was the right way to do it. My decision to go through wasn't tied to anything else. Other people can have those decisions combined, but for me I needed to know that I was doing it because I sincerely wanted to and was prepared to, not as a step to something else immediate. That was important to me, and I'm so grateful I could go to the temple knowing I was fully prepared and that it was the right thing for me to do.

I'm so grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Knowledge of the Gospel has changed my life, it has shaped who I am and I know that I am better because of it. I'm grateful for Jesus Christ and his service as my Savior. I know He lives and will always be there to help me. I am grateful for temples, the covenants I made there, and for the chance I have to spend eternity with my family. 

December

This year, one of my best friend's from high school, Kyle, is in Vocal Point, the main all-male a capella group on campus. The beginning of December they had a concert in Provo. I convinced Hayden to make the drive to Provo from Logan to come with me.

It was so much fun! The way they do concerts is pretty informal, so Kyle knew pretty early on we were there, and he was so happy we were there. Kyle totally killed it on stage. Hayden and I just kept looking at each other in amazement because we realized that this is what Kyle was meant to do all along. We just hadn't realized it before. He was so comfortable up there and has gotten even better at singing since last I heard him, which in and of itself is something of a feat.

We made Kyle sign our programs after, like the celebrity he is. We took a picture too, but the girl who took it missed us completely. Bummer. Still, I'm so glad that we went!

Our Will boy turned one this month! I love this little guy with all my heart. Seriously, he's the greatest. He is so mild mannered and such a sweetheart. And he loves his Aunt Krista. I'm totally his favorite!

Haley and Karen both have birthdays in December, so we decided to celebrate them together this year. Emily made some delicious food and decorated the house all cute. We had a few of their friends over and celebrated our two crazy friends.

I love these two so much! Even if they are two of the most insane people I have ever met. They bring so much happiness and excitement to every situation!

Our cohort had a Christmas party during finals week. We started out at an assisted living center in South Provo, singing some Christmas songs to the residents there. Turns out pretty much everyone in our cohort has some sort of musical talent, so we were pretty good, if I do say so myself. They told me that I had to sing "O Holy Night" a few times during the week before the party, but I thought they were joking. Turns out they weren't. That was an adventure. That song is super high and I haven't had to sing those notes in quite some time.

Kyle, Jonathan, and Lucas

Jonathan, Pat, Zach (and Logan), Lucas, Kara, Emily, Me, and Tess

Then we went back to one of our cohort member's house and ate delicious soups, salads, breads, and desserts. We played a game and then it turned into a big music hour. We convinced everyone but Kim to sing or play for us, which was pretty impressive. The two boys in our cohort both have little babies, and we all loved having them there too! It was a great night! I really love my cohort and their families!

Finals this semester was different. I had three finals, but only knew how to prepare for one of them. I studied a lot, but have absolutely no idea how I did on my finals. Hopefully it was okay. I wasn't nearly as stressed this time around. Still, I'm glad finals are over!

When we were all together, it is kind of insane. Add exhaustion due to studying and it's totally crazy. Haley got stuck on the banister in our apartment. Karen had to help her get down. They're crazy!

September, October, and November

The end of September is Mr. Max Man's birthday. This year for the kids' birthdays I decided to have them come have a sleepover in Provo. The weekend before Max's birthday I had to go up to Centerville for a doctor's appointment. That afternoon was also the Viewmont Homecoming Parade, which Spencer was in with the Girls' Soccer Team. I took all Spencer's kids to the parade where they got WAY more candy than anyone else (perks of being adorable and having an entire team of teenage girls love you). I dropped the other kids off and then Max and I headed down to Provo. Max fell asleep on the way, but he woke up in enough time to decide he wanted to go to Arby's for dinner. Being the cool Aunt that I am, I even let him get Pepsi for his drink.

We went back to my apartment, got in our pajamas, dragged my mattress into the living room, and turned on "3 Ninjas." Max loves that movie, He was hilarious the whole time. He was very concerned that my roommate Haley wasn't home yet, so we called her a couple of times until she came home and played with us for a little bit. Max and I slept in the living room that night. In the morning, we made pancakes with ice cream on top for breakfast. We spent the morning just playing and watching "Tangled." 

That afternoon was the BYU vs. Virginia. Max got to go with his dad, which he was SO excited for. It was so much fun to get to hang out with Max. He is so sweet. Haley couldn't get over just how nice and sweet he was. He's totally adorable.

It was Emily Ruth's birthday in the beginning of October. We decided to celebrate by going to Thai food (which was insanely delicious!) and have a small party for her.

We didn't intend to all wear scarves that day.

We had a great time celebrating our amazing Emily!

Emily, Karen and I decided one Saturday that we needed to drive up Provo Canyon to experience the goodness of the fall colors. We found a random road to park on and hung out by the secluded lake for a couple hours. Emily and Karen sketched (they are actually artistic) while I just wandered around and enjoyed the quiet.

We found some flowers and they insisted on putting them in my hair. We had just a great, relaxing time. I'm glad that I got to spend some time with two of my favorite people without worrying about the rest of life, even if it was just for a couple of hours.

In October our cohort decided we needed to party together, this time outside of school. We finally decided on a night that would work for almost everyone and made plans to go to a corn maze. We headed over to Cornbelly's and had a great time walking through the maze and getting to know everyone's significant others' better.

Jonathan, Zach, Curtis, Jen, and Kara

Back: Lucas, Kara, Tess
Front: Jonathan, Emily, Me, Leanna, Zach, Jen, and Curtis

Afterward, we headed to one our professor's houses for hot chocolate and homemade apple fritters. It was so much fun to hang out with everyone outside of the stress of school!

For Halloween this year, my roommates decided to throw a party. I'm not much of a Halloween fan, but it was actually a surprisingly fun time. There were SO MANY people there. I am pretty sure we don't even have that many friends. We figured there were about 70 people there throughout the course of the night. Emily made homemade cider and donut holes that were a huge it. She also made my T-shirt costume for me (since I don't really like Halloween).

Rorschach Ink Blot Test

The best part of the night was Ben. Ben is my roommate Karen's boyfriend. He lives in Texas, but he decided to surprise Karen and fly into town for a few days. Emily went and picked him up from the airport and dropped him off on campus to study while he waited for enough people to show up to make his entrance unnoticed. He showed up in a blue morph suit with his face covered. He was probably at the party for about 25 minutes before revealing himself to Karen. Longest 25 minutes ever for me. I was dying. Finally, he went over and was sort of bugging her, which was funny cause she was totally freaked out. Then we went back and took off the part covering his face. Karen totally freaked out screaming! It made me tear up. It was so great!

Shannon and Amy are both having babies this coming Spring! Yay! We love little babes around here! 

In November Shannon and Jeff had a gender reveal party at Jeff's parents' house. They had seven boxes with balloons in them, either blue or pink. Each kid (plus me and Trent) opened a box and revealed the balloon. In the end, if there were more blue balloons then it meant it was a boy and if there were more pink ones then it meant it was a girl.

Trent got to open the last one: it was pink! We are SO excited to meet their little girl come March! She is going to be the most loved and spoiled child ever! Amy revealed a little while later that she is having a little boy! 

We are stoked that we get both a boy and a girl within a couple of weeks of each other! Babies are the best!

Everyone got to be here for at least part of Thanksgiving this year except for Alicia, Peter, and Will, who were in San Francisco with his family. Mandi's parents, Marie, and Andy and his kids all came too. The food was delicious, as always. My mom found some simple presents for everyone and hid them so the kids could have a good time trying to find them. 

After dinner Amy, Mandi, and Shannon decided they needed to go to Target when it opened at 6 that night to get some things for their kids. Normally I'm not really a shopper (like at all), but I couldn't let the two pregnant ladies go to get some of the heavier items with just Mandi to help them. It turned out to be really fun. We also went to Khol's and totally died over the baby clothes, especially the little girl ones. I'm glad I got to spend some extra time with some of my favorite people!

Gilmore Girls

I have loved "Gilmore Girls" since the first time I watched an episode. The clever, fast talking, and heart warming show got me through many years. Together with Lorelai and Rory, I fell in love, had my heart broken, learned, graduated, fought, laughed, and grew. Thanks to "Gilmore Girls," I have a reference for almost everything in life, and so do all the people who have shared my love over the years. Whether is was at lunch during high school with Lizzy and Amanda, at dinner with my parents and Derrick, summer marathons with Kate, Jessica, and Anne, or random times with my sisters, watching "Gilmore Girls" has provided some incredible memories for me.

I have watched all of the episodes many times. And, like a good book or movie, the meaning and impact on my life changes with each new screening. Rory has known just how I felt trying to decide where to go to college. She knew how hard it was to move away from home for the first time, even if home was only a short drive away and you get to see your family often. She understood how difficult adjusting to college life is and the struggles associated with trying to balance a social life and an academic one. She proved it is okay to embrace your inner nerd and love school. She gave me hope that I would find my place in this world, love it, and succeed at it. She knew we don't always make the best decisions when it comes to love; most of us have to date a few bad boys, but in the end we have to fight for what we want and deserve. She showed me it is okay to break down, make mistakes, doubt yourself, and sometimes even lose yourself. She inspired me to make the most of my college experience. She perfectly described the fear of the unknown that comes to every college senior as graduation approaches. And she showed that every decision you make, even the ones you know are right for you, come with pain and joy; it is in embracing both that you truly learn to live. She proved that with hard work you can overcome obstacles put in your way, even if the obstacles were put there by you.

Obviously overall I relate more to Rory than Lorelai; afterall, I grew up with Rory. Still, Lorelai has taught me the importance of finishing what you start. She proved you have a choice when bad things happen: you can let it defeat you or you can make a plan and fight back. Life is tough, sometimes we make it so and sometimes it just is. Life is not too so tough we can't survive and succeed though. She taught me that sometimes when you love someone, the best thing you can do for them is chastise them. As hard as it may be, sometimes you have to let the people you love make mistakes and just be there to pick up the pieces when everything falls apart. She taught me the value of loyalty and family; no matter how much they may drive you crazy, family is important and you can never abandon them. She taught me that I can do anything I set my mind to, no matter how far fetched the circumstances may seem. Every time she decided to teach Rory something, I learned that too. She was another mom to me, though not as wise as my actual mother. Lorelai was human. She made mistakes and had to live with the consequences of her decisions. And she did it all with an impressive wit that I will never be able to sufficiently emulate even if I spend the rest of my life trying.

As silly as it may seem to others, "Gilmore Girls" really has changed my life, and changed me. No mater how old I get, it is the show I will keep coming back to.

Where they lead, I will follow.

Quiet Moments

Last week, Lizzy needed someone to hang out with Paceson while she took a test because she didn't have any other time that she could take it. I was happy to do so, obviously. It was so fun to watch him waddle around and get into all sorts of stuff. He is so dang cute! He turns one this month and has been working on walking and eating real food with all his teeth (he has at least 8, I'm pretty sure).

It started to be nap time and so he got a little upset that his mom wasn't there. When we got to his room, he started crying. I gave him his binky and sat down in the rocking chair with him. I know parents work really hard to teach their kids to self soothe and so I am probably ruining all of that by just holding and rocking the child, but I'm okay with that. I sang a few primary songs as I rocked him to try to calm him down (I apparently need to brush up on my primary songs, because I could only think of a few at first). 

Rocking that sleeping baby and singing those songs was an incredible moment of peace. Those are the moments when I think I come to understand at least a small part of what it is like to be a mother and to feel that much love. 

I worry about having kids often. Silly seeing as I'm not even married, but it is something I have thought a lot about. Getting a PhD doesn't easily lend itself to having kids, now or someday. I worry about what kind of mother I will be. I worry that I won't experience the extreme love I see so many mothers experience. But times like the one I had with Paceson, and countless others with my own nieces and nephews, gives me hope and faith that when the time comes everything will work out.

Until that day, I'm grateful for those around me who let me experience just a little bit of their heaven by sharing experiences with their children.

Life Lately

I've been bad at this since school started. I decided that the best way to do an update is to do it more as a list of what I'm grateful for. Because life is good. And I have a lot of things to be grateful for.

1. School: School is really good. It's different, that's for sure. All of my classes are with the same 8 people (including me). They are also mostly discussion based. I feel like I'm learning a lot, but time is flying by. I'm taking less credit hours and working less than I ever have, so I actually sort of feel like I have a lot of time on my hands. Which sort of makes me worried that I'm missing something. But really I like it. 

2. Classmates: My cohort is pretty awesome. I'm the youngest, but not by nearly as much as I was afraid I would be. We only have two boys and, interestingly, they both are married and either just had or are about to have a baby. One of them is working with the same professor as I am. And it has been awesome working with him. We've spent a lot of time together this past month or so. It's really nice to have a sounding board and someone who is interested in the same things as me, but who doesn't intimidate me. Group work and sharing the load is very encouraged in our program, and I feel like we have done a good job of this. Also, even though trying new therapy techniques and such is scary because we have never done it, everyone is supportive and non-judgmental. 

3. Research: Research has been going surprisingly well. I spend about 10 hours a week writing and it is shocking how much work I've been able to get done. I spend another 5 hours a week working on running participants in our ongoing research projects. It's been great. And it really is true that the more you get into it the more ideas you have. Also, my first paper was officially published on the 20th. Yep, pretty dang awesome.

4. My mentor: In case I haven't said enough before, I got really lucky with my mentor. He wants his students to succeed, so he doesn't put tons of pressure on, but at the same time expects a lot from us. It's the perfect balance to help me reach my potential by pushing myself but not getting overwhelmed. And he genuinely wants me to do the research that I am most interested in. He doesn't have his own agenda in that way, which is great.

4. Roommates: My roommates are the greatest. We are all super busy and so don't get to spend tons of time together. Which means when we are together, we are crazy and obnoxious. Seriously, we already drove some boys away because we were so hyper at being together. We hung out with them three or four times one week, and after our hyper night, we never heard from them again. I love my girls. They make me laugh and we eat delicious food together. I love it. And they keep me sane when I get stressed or feel like I'm going crazy. 

5. Family: I get to see my family a lot, which I love. Alicia and her family live close, so I see them the most often, but with BYU football in season, I usually see everyone else pretty often as well. I got to spend a little extra time with Abby and Max a couple of weeks ago, which was really fun.

6. Temple: I have been going to the temple more consistently this semester than I have in the past. It has been good to have that in my life. It's a very peaceful and stablizing influence for me. Even if I have to wake up much earlier than I normally would. Also, the Ogden Temple Dedication was awesome. It is really neat to sit in the Marriott with so many people united in such an incredible experience and spirit.

7. Gospel knowledge and testimony: We have a girl in our program who isn't a member (well, two actually, but one that I talk to more). She is one of those people who likes to thoroughly research everything, so she found out quite a lot about the Church before coming to Provo. And she has some great roommates who decided to do roommate "Bible study" as she calls it, though they always read the Book of Mormon in addition to the Bible, so it's more scripture study. Anyway, it has lead to a lot of interesting conversations. She is very religious, so even if she doesn't believe what we do, she doesn't act as if it is too far fetched. Still, I have been extremely grateful that I have studied the gospel and can answer her questions. And that I can definitively say that it isn't just a gospel doctrine but something that I believe or know to be true. 

8. Past experiences: In our psychotherapy class, we practice giving each other therapy. It's hard for me to come up with something to talk about as the patient though, because, to be honest, I think I'm in the best mental health I have been in for a while. I'm not too stressed out by the program, in fact, I think my life is less busy now than it has been in the past because my work is research, instead of working on top of doing research. Plus, nothing dramatic has happened yet this semester that requires a lot of extra emotional attention on my part. I feel very prepared for the things going on in my life and I'm very grateful for it.

9. Ward: Although we haven't had very many normal Sundays yet, I think I like this ward a lot. They seem to be easier to relate to than some of my wards in the past. Plus, we've made friends with a few people who seem to find our apartment dynamic entertaining and fun. We like people who think we are funny, because we certainly think we are.

10. Answers: After years of not knowing why I was having a lot of joint pain, I went to the doctor last week and he said he believes it is benign hypermobility syndrome. My shoulders, elbows, fingers, spine, and knees all are off about 10 degrees when they are straightened and are thus working too hard. While it might sound weird to be grateful for having that, I am. It could be a lot worse. And probably the worse thing of all would have been more questions without any answers. So I'm grateful.

I have a few more updates and things from the summer, but for now this will have to do!

Soccer

Around here, soccer isn't a sport, it's a lifestyle. Viewmont Girls Soccer is now in full swing, and so is rec soccer for four of the grandkids. Max and Dax both had their first ever soccer games this past week. For the kids that age, they spend the first 15 minutes of the game practicing with their teams, which is a great idea, I think.

Max was stoked to finally get to play! He has been looking forward to this day for about a year. He did a great job and was the cutest little kid when he scored! Seriously, he has the celebration dance down.

Dax played in his first game on Saturday. We've been having a ton of rain lately, so the field was disgusting, unfortunately. Dax is not exactly one of those kids who loves to get dirty, so he wasn't thrilled at the idea of getting mud all over him. Plus, at the beginning of his game his "super fast running powers" were "broken." He's seriously the most imaginative child ever. Nate is his coach and he was getting a little frustrated, but we were loving it. Dax kept transforming while running and was cracking everyone up. 

I love these little boys!

Leaving

I'm officially moved back to Provo. And leaving home was much more difficult than I had anticipated. Really, I should have expected it. Since I came to college, anytime I have spent more than 24 hours at home, I have had a hard time leaving. 

The problem is this: my parents are just too amazing. (My whole family, too, actually.) This summer has brought that fact home to me in a stronger way than ever. 

The truth is, I'm a worrier. I didn't used to think I was, but I definitely am. I worry that every time I leave them something bad will happen. And I worry that if it does that I haven't been a good enough daughter or they don't know how much I love and appreciate them.

They truly are the best people that I know. They are loving and kind. They are willing to sacrifice, and to do so without complaint. They trust their children and allow us to make mistakes, because they know how much we can learn from them. And when we do, they are always there to help us pick up the pieces, with helping hands, open arms, and loving hearts. 

A few weeks back I had a conversation with my mom that I don't think I will ever forget. We were discussing service and sacrifice. I was complaining that sometimes it feels like those we serve are taking advantage and are ungrateful. She listened to my complaints and said simply, "Sometimes they are. But the thing is, if you say no once, then you'll never do that service again. It is too easy to think only of yourself and become selfish." Someday I hope I can be as wise as she is. And that I can, like her, instinctively know when something is wrong with someone I love and come up with the perfect fix to a bad day, like going to get pedicures or going to a movie. It's a lot easier to hide my bad days from her when I'm at school. Even so, she always seems to turn up just when I need her most.

My dad has most Fridays off of work now, so he happened to be home when I left for Provo yesterday. I had everything packed when he came home from the temple, but before I ran out the door, I asked him to give me my traditional back-to-school father's blessing. Most of the time when I am given a blessing my mom is also there and I ask her to write down some of the things said so I can reread them when I need it. I had contemplated waiting and going home this weekend for my blessing, but in the end I'm so glad I did it this way. It was a very special thing to spend those few precious minutes with only my dad and no one to interrupt the tight, long, and loving hug we shared after. I'm a hugger, just in general, but my dad gives some of the best hugs because I know he will never be the one to pull back first. More than anything, I know he just wants me to be safe and happy, and he will do anything in his power to make sure that happens, whether it be talking to me on the phone as I walk home late at night or bringing me tons of water bottles to help prevent kidney stones.

The older I get the more I understand how precious and remarkable is the love my parents have, both for their children and for each other. When I was little, I thought the idea of kids worrying their parents might get a divorce was something that only happened in the movies. All I had ever seen was the incredible love my parents had for each other. To this day, I love to see my parents flirt and tease each other. There is nothing that makes me feel more peaceful and safe than watching my parents interact with each other. They are the definitive proof that love grows stronger with time.

I'm lucky. I get to see my family quite regularly. Between their season tickets to football and basketball, family group, birthdays, and other random weekends, I never go too long without seeing at least one of my family members. And home is just a short drive away.

And as I sit here at the kitchen counter in my new apartment, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Emily Anne

My cute Emily Anne left me a couple weeks ago and is now an official Physical Therapy student at USC. That smarty pants.

Before she left, we got to spend some quality time together. At the beginning of August we went to "Wicked!" at Capitol Theater together. Before the show we went to dinner at a delicious Thai place in Salt Lake. The show was really, really good. Even though I had seen it in New York four years ago, I think I understood it much more this time. Unsurprisingly, I got a little emotional a few times as the impact of the music and lyrics really hit me.

It has only been a couple weeks and I already miss Emily like crazy. Emily is very steady. No matter what happens in her life, she reacts in a strong, stable way. She has been through a lot in the couple of years I've known her alone and has continually impressed me through it all. She is dedicated, loyal, thoughtful, and kind. Plus, she has the world's greatest laugh. Seriously.

I'm so proud of her and the courage she has shown in picking up her life and moving to an unknown place. She's going to be a kick-a physical therapist too. She is so smart and has a natural gift when it comes to dealing with athletes and sports related injuries. She is the best and I can't wait to see all of the amazing things she does in her life!