It Is Finished. . .

. . .And thank goodness for that.

I'm officially done with the GRE. And, according to Shannon, am officially an adult. I told her that if this is being an adult I don't want to be an adult.

Really, I was totally dramatic about the whole thing. I'm sure it drove my roommates nuts. But it was a big deal to me. I kind of felt like my whole future was riding on that one test, and that is not a good feeling. Especially as there was a few day period where I legitimately thought I was going to fail it. (Not that you can really fail the GRE, technically. Someone please tell me why the practice questions in the study books are so much harder than the actual test. Based off those I should have gotten less than 50% on both of the tests. So I was totally freaking out.) I know everyone was trying to make me feel better when they told me that I was going to do great, but honestly most of the time it had the opposite effect. (Especially the few days when I was so convinced of my own stupidity.) It added a lot of pressure to the situation. I knew everyone expected me to do well and I didn't want to let them or myself down.

But don't worry. I didn't fail. In fact, I think I did well enough to at least qualify for the schools I've looked at so far. Now I just have to narrow down the types of programs and schools I am looking at. 

As relieved as I am that I did well, in a way it would have been easier had I done poorly. Then I would at least know that one of my many options for the future was no longer an option. The planning of my future up to this point has been hazy. No matter how many times I pray about whether or not I'm supposed to go to graduate school I never get a definite yes or no. I get a "just keep going". So I do. But planning out five different futures has become exhausting. As my mom said, now I just have a lot of big decisions to make. And we all know how good I am at making decisions. . .this could be very bad folks.

Anyway, I started the test at 12:00 on Saturday and finished at 3:10. (I didn't take breaks because I feel like it interrupts my focus. Weird, I know.) Anne and Spencer were so great and took me out to dinner after. We went to The Black Sheep Cafe. Only we got there like 45 minutes before they opened for dinner, so we spent some time walking around Center Street in Provo. Such a fun, cool place. I was totally out of it though. I couldn't really even think. Dinner was delicious. And Anne and Spencer are two of the best people in the world. I love them. 

We didn't see all of the Relief Society Conference because we had to stop it when Anne's cousin called to tell us she is engaged (cue long, excited conversation). Finishing the night laughing a lot at Comedy Sportz, frozen yogurt, and playing card games was the perfect way to end a very long day. 

As stressful as the past few weeks has been, it has made me incredibly grateful for the life that I do have. I am studying something I love that changes the way I think on a daily basis. I have two jobs I love where I get to work with awesome people. I get to work for awesome professors who are so supportive of their students. I have an amazing family who I get to see regularly and who bring so much light and love into my life. I have roommates who keep me always laughing and smiling. And I have friends who always know just what to say or do brighten my day. So despite all my complaining, I truly am incredibly blessed.